omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let's get the cat blown out
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
