I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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