Don't you send me to vm
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
