I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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