She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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