Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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