When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
