i just sent this text using only my big toe
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
