So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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