I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
