I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
