It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize