Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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