Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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