He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need moral support for this bender
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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