So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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