Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
