Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
