Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Randomize
