i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
