U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
