There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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