Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
