is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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