Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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