You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
