you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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