I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
