Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize