Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
