I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
