I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
