I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
