im holly from the hills drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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