Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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