2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
