My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
