i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
