I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
