I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
