im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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