Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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