I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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