5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
