Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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