Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
