CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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