Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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