I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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