Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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