Where is the hickey?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
