I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
