i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
3pm strippers are depressing
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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