guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
