I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
