Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize