um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
