I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
