There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
