If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Congratulations! We have a period
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