i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize