giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry about my life...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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