apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
