Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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