Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
