I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
