i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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