We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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