tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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