last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
