Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
