Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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