Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
