I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
